


To live a dream

by Noonaneomuyeppeo



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Artist Kim Hongjoong, Denial of Feelings, Feelings, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Geek Love, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kim Hongjoong is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Park Seonghwa-centric, Robbery, Shy Park Seonghwa, Soft Kim Hongjoong, Soft Park Seonghwa, Subways, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28564152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noonaneomuyeppeo/pseuds/Noonaneomuyeppeo
Summary: Seonghwa is the brightest star of his company. The first one there in the morning and the last one to leave at night. He has a plan.Then one night everything changes, and he has to rely on Hongjoong, the subway singer, for his memories, trying to sort out whatever happened last night.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

It's another train ride, on his way home from work. Lately this has been his thing, going home on the last train. He would never admit it, but it has a certain feeling of satisfaction, being the first one in and the last to leave. Seonghwa is really good at his job.

He's double checking his email as he waits for his connection. Soft words reach him. Someone is singing. He listens for a while, but then his train comes and he is quickly typing out a report, hoping that the others are too busy, giving him the chance to shine. 

*

It's late night again. No matter how he tries he never seems to make it out of office until just shy of midnight. It's okay though, one day his pay-check will reflect all the hard work he's put into this. His dream. He just has to go through this rough spot. That person from last night is singing again, backed up by a guitar. He finds it hard to understand how anyone could choose that kind of life. Still he closes his eyes, let's the voice toy with his feelings, but only until his train comes. 

*

It's friday night. Normally Seonghwa doesn't really notice. He has this habit of working all week through. But today he's been granted a "perk". While everyone else is still at work Seonghwa has been sent home. Ironically not because he's been misbehaving but the opposite. This is supposed to be an advantage. But it sure doesn't feel like it. This new development has him dumbfounded. He doesn't know anyone outside of work, so figuring out what to do on a friday is not an easy task, so he's waiting for the train home, thinking that an early night will give him the advantage of a early start tomorrow. 

That singing resonates through the tunnels again and he decides to investigate in it since his train has apparently been delayed. 

He ventures through the underground tunnels, following the sound, and when he finally finds the source he's surprised by the amount of people just standing, listening, as if they haven't got anything better to do. He stops, takes the scene in and that is the first time he sees him. The source of the singing. 

He is short, not of a impressive build, more...delicate. His hair is ridiculous. A ashy kind of blonde, long in the neck, unruly bangs in the front. He has several earrings, all silver and all too prominent, but his clothes are worse of all. Ripped jeans covered in specks of color. A sweater, obviously at least two sizes too big and his shoes! It actually looks as if he's been doodeling on them. But his voice. His voice is mesmerising. There is a special quality to it. Something almost daring. Something vulnerable. Seonghwa stands frozen for a moment until he shakes it off and takes his train home.

*

It is far too late. He should be at home. Nausea hits him hard. He's never been intoxicated before, but the new CEO wouldn't let him get away with his usual excuses, calling him out. Making him drink far more than he's comfortable with 

He is swaying on the platform, trying to will his mind into control. He looks up, letters dancing before his eyes, and makes out the words saying "cancelled due to electrical problems." Groaning he tries to think of what his next action should be. A taxi probably. So he makes his way up.

He is fumbling for his phone as the voices reach him. "Hey! You need help man?" Next thing he is surrounded by young men. They are talking way too fast, hands in his pockets, saying they'll help him. Something feels off but he can't grasp it. He really needs to sit down. So tired. So tired of trying to keep up with the words, the hands. Someone is shouting. Someone is running. Seonghwa sits down. Lays down. Too tired to care.

*

Harsh light hits him, making him squint. It's obviously morning and he should be at work, the first one there, seeming surprised as he greets the others.

But he is apparently not. His head hurts. Teeth feeling fuzzy. He groans and someone is laughing at him. Reluctantly he pryes an eye open. It is him. The singer. Amused eyes meeting his. 

"You're awake" he simply states.

Seonghwa licks his teeth, clearing his voice. "Yeah, apparently" he forces out, earning him the sound of that laughter again. 

"What do you remember from last night?" he asks. Seonghwa is frowning at his attempt to remember, telling the only fragments that are clear.

"Uhm, I was waiting for the train. Some guys helped me" he says. 

The other one snorts. "That's one way to put it" he says. 

Seonghwa's frown grows deeper. "So...how would you put it then?" he asks.

There is a silence and a sigh. 

"I would say there was a gang trying to rob you. Or worse." he finally says. 

Seonghwas frown deepens as he tries to fathom what the other's saying. It's not possible. Seonghwa is in control! Was he last night though? And where is he now?

He sighs hard.

"Well...thank you if you had any hand in scaring them off" he reluctantly offers.

The other one just snarls. "What was a corporate guy like you even doing there at that time? Don't you realise it's dangerous?"

To his surprise Seonghwa finds himself feeling ashamed. Of course he knew about the dangers. He just never thought he would be the one at risk. He doesn't know what to say so he just says thank you again. The other huffs in annoyance. Seonghwa pryes his eye open and looks at him again. Under the tough facade his features are soft. He looks at Seonghwa with something scared in his eyes. 

"What really happened last night?" he asks. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you really want to know?" he asks. 

"Yes. Please." He needs to know. He needs to regain his sense of control. 

He's sighing deep again, hands rubbing up and down his face. "Okay" he says, sitting up straight. "So first of all, the police are gonna want to talk to you." Seonghwa's stomach is already in knots. "I...I didn't see it all, so I can only tell you what I know. But anyway, I was heading up since the trains were cancelled and I saw this group of guys looking like trouble standing over something, and then I saw you on the ground. They were going through your pockets and..." he looks directly at Seonghwa again "Are you sure? You really want to know?" Seonghwa just nods, dreading the rest. Another deep sigh. "I'm really really sorry. But..yeah..so they were about to undress you I think. I'm not really sure but..yeah." Seonghwa feels panic surge through his body at an alarming speed, and the other seems to notice as he hurriedly adds, in a chirp voice "But I stopped them. They ran like rats. Then I called the police, but...since you were far too out of it we agreed that you would talk to them today instead." He shrugs a shoulder. "And...then I took you here and you've been sleeping ever since. Soundly."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you bring me here?"

"Strange way to say thanks" he snorts. "I brought you here since those guys have your keys" he says slowly, carefully punctuating every word. "And I figured you didn't want to sleep it off in jail." 

Seonghwa pales. This was really happening. He swallows hard, trying not to let his panic show.

"Don't worry, it will be okay though. I promise." He looks uncomfortable, trying to comfort him. But somehow it still makes Seonghwa feel a little better. "But you should really talk to the police, I got the number." He gets his phone out of his pocket and flips through it before offering it to Seonghwa.

An hour later a detective arrives, talking Seonghwa through the events and their efforts to catch the perpetrators. Seonghwa feels heavier and heavier as it starts to sink in. He's told that the gang are wanted for multiple offenses, that they have people staking his house and watching any activity of his cards. Seonghwa hides his face in his hands, eyes shut hard, trying to will it all to go away. 

"So, do you have somewhere to stay?" 

"What?" he asks, looking at the detective in confusion. 

"Well, since we're trying to catch them red handed getting into your apartment you can't stay there. So. Do you have anywhere to stay?" Seonghwa stares blankly into the air. He feels like crying. 

"Family? Friends?" the detective offers, holding his gaze. He looks tired, the lines on his face deep. Seonghwa shakes his head in silence. No. He has no one.

"Here." They both spin around, looking at the door opening. "He can stay here." Seonghwa opens his mouth to protest but is waved off. "No, honestly. It's no trouble. Just..stay." he says. 

"That's really generous of you...what was your name again?" the detective says and Seonghwa realises he doesn't even know his name. He saved him from...that and let him stay in his home, and Seonghwa never even bothered to ask for his name. 

"Kim Hongjoong", he answers with a small bow. The detective nods, looking deep in thoughts. Then he gets up, straightening the legs of his pants, promising to keep in touch, leaving Seonghwa his card.

"We're gonna do our best to solve this as soon as possible mr Park. Take some time off work, rest and...you know. Keep away from places you are connected to, your home, your work etc." Seonghwa nods again. No work. The heaviness just grows. The door shuts with a beep and they are left standing in silence. The need to cry is getting stronger, and maybe the other notices as he suddenly starts busying himself, opening drawers and talking over his shoulder. 

"You probably want a shower right? I'll lend you some clothes. They're not like your usual attire and might be a bit short but.."

"Thank you", he says, interrupting him. He looks up, but Seonghwa lowers his eyes, feeling too raw for eye contact. "Thank you for...you know..everything,...Hongjoong." His name feels strange in his mouth, intimate somehow. He clears his throat, feeling tears burn in his eyes. Hongjoong gives him a stack of clothes, leads him to the bathroom, stroking his back on the way. 

"Seonghwa" he says, forcing him to look at him. "I meant it. It will be alright. I realise this must be hell for you but the police are out there, trying to catch them. And..I'm here. Okay?" 

Seonghwa nods, unable to speak, and Hongjoong gives him a little smile before he closes the door. He barely gets the water running before the tears come. He leans on the wall, water running over him, his body shaking violently. He wants it all to go away. He wants to go home. He wants to go to work, do his job, go home, be normal! He wants his life back!

They order food, Seonghwa mumbling a promise to repay him when he can. He feels lost, no money, no phone, no clothes. Hongjoong just waves him off, slumping down on the couch grabbing his laptop. 

"So, what kind of movies do you like?" 

Seonghwa frowns. He can't remember when he last saw a movie. "I..I don't really watch movies."

Hongjoong looks up from the laptop, confusion and surprise on his face. "You _don't watch movies_? So..what do you do?"

"I work I guess" he answers with a shrug, which is obviously the wrong answer as Hongjoong is frowning. 

"And when you're not working? Say weekends?" 

Seonghwa lowers his face, feeling his cheeks burn. "Uhm..I kinda..work weekends too."

The frown on Hongjoongs face grows deeper. "But...why?" 

Seonghwa doesn't know why he suddenly feels so embarrassed, but he does, cheeks burning red by now. "It's just...what I do I guess" he simply states. 

Hongjoong watches him in silence for a while, then he says "You are supposed to work for a living, not live for work." Then he scooches over, patting at the other side of the couch. Seonghwa carefully sits, keeping to his side. He feels awkward sitting here, in Hongjoongs clothes, on Hongjoongs couch, in Hongjoongs house. The movie starts and they both focus on the screen. 

Hours later and they are in the middle of movie number three. He's half lying with his feet up. Boxes of left overs, napkins and half empty glasses are strewn across the table. Hongjoong is leaning slightly against his legs and Seonghwa watches him, marvelling at the fact that _being_ seems to come so naturally to him, whilst Seonghwa is constantly struggling, feeling like a misfit. Out of place. Hongjoong throws his head back, laughing. He looks younger like this, in his big hoodie, barefaced with his hair all mussed up. 

"I like your singing" The words come of their own and he probably looks as surprised at them as Hongjoong. 

"Really? Thanks"

"It's actually one of my favourite things of the day, hearing you sing as I wait for the train." He realises that it's true as he speaks it. Hongjoong looks away, embarrassed smile on his face and Seonghwa can see the red on his cheeks. Hongjoong blushing, that's one sight he never thought he'd see.

"Good to have at least one fan" he says, clearing his throat and then he begins to clear the table. "It's getting late, are you okay sleeping on the couch again?"

He feels a bit apprehensive as they say their goodnights, afraid to be alone, left with his thoughts. But to his relief he's drifting off to sleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He's frowning, sweat breaking out on his forehead. They're so many, moving so fast. They seem to grow in numbers, moving faster, reaching their hands out to tug at him. Faster and faster, closing in. He tries to scream but he's frozen, unable to move as the hands climb him, wrapping around him, drowning him…"

"I'm here, I'm here! Seonghwa! Do you hear me? It was only a dream. Only a dream. You're okay. You're okay. I've got you." He realises that he's crying. Hongjoong is holding him tight, rocking him softly, hushing, wiping at his face. He's too shook up, still balancing between dream and reality, to control himself so he clings to Hongjoong, desperately. Pressing his face against him as his shoulders shake, cries coming in hard, painful sobs and wailes. Hongjoong strokes his back and his hair, murmuring to him in a soft, calm voice. When the crying eventually subsides he hands him some napkins, takes his hand as he stands up, dragging Seonghwa with him. Softly he's leading him to his bedroom, and Seonghwa is too tired, too sad to even consider it strange as he lies down, nestles up to Hongjoong who takes his arm, wraps it around him, hugging it to his chest. Seonghwa closes his eyes, relaxes, takes a deep, shaky breath. A feeling of safety washes over him and he's nuzzling his face into Hongjoongs hair. Sleep making their tangled bodies heavier, breaths slower, faces peaceful as they fall into dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"So you don't watch movies and you never eat out, what else are you missing?"

"I wouldn't say never, I mean sometimes we have meetings with clients or corporate dinn…"

"Outside of work!" Hongjoong adds, silencing Seonghwa. They are on their way to Hongjoong's studio as they were both about to start climbing the walls of his tiny apartment. Once again Seonghwa is struck by how Hongjoong moves with such ease, casually walking backwards as he remembers something to say, zigzagging between people without missing a beat. Nothing breaks his stride. Seonghwa feels like a robot next to him, constantly aware of his body and how it might be perceived. 

Hongjoong skips up the steps of the old building while Seonghwa walks, step by step.The floors are wooden, well worn. Hongjoong tells him it's an old school building. Makes sense. He walks up to a ornate door, searching his pockets for the key. It's big, brass with a decorative head. 

"Welcome to my world" he says, holding the door open. Seonghwa walks in hesitantly, not knowing what to expect. The room is big, ceiling high as are the two mullioned windows overlooking a small park. The only pieces of furniture consists of a worn out green velvet couch and a plain wooden chair acting as a table, full of paints and brushes. All along the walls paintings and canvases of different sizes stand lined up. A big chandelier hangs from the ceiling, it's prisms filling the room with small iridecent rainbows. 

He slowly walks around the room, looking at all the paintings. There's so much emotion in each one. Some with bold colors, big bold brush strokes. Others infinitely delicate, trembling with feeling through its muted colors. He forgets about everything around him, giving each work his full attention, trying to read their secrets. Suddenly Hongjoong laughs.

"So...should I feel praised or offended by your scrutinising?" he mocks. Seonghwa smiles shyly, steps back. 

"I know nothing about art, but I..I really like them. Hongjoong, you're really talented. Is there anything you _can't_ do!?" 

"Well, your job probably" he laughs.

"I'm not so sure" Seonghwa mutters, imagining Hongjoong in a suit, hair combed back, doing a presentation. Yeah, he'd probably ace that too. Jealousy tries to sneak it's way in but he quickly shakes it off and sits down on the surprisingly comfy couch instead. He watches Hongjoong get all his supplies ready, dragging out an enormous canvas from behind a stack of half finished paintings. He watches it, eyes narrowed, as if he sees something in the blank white, a hidden message only visible to him. And then he starts mixing colors, absorbed in his own world. 

Seonghwa looks at all the small specks and blotches of color on his shoes and overalls, realising he must have gone straight from here to the subway when he sang. He suddenly remembers watching Hongjoong sing, criticising his looks and shame washes over him. He looks at him now, his sneakers so full of color it's impossible to make out what color they originally had. Small drawings among the drops. His loose, blue overalls casually clasped over one shoulder, the other side hanging free. The hair at his nape sticks out from under his yellow beanie. All of it is so...Hongjoong! Those very same things he used to look down on he now holds high. He wouldn't change a thing. Hongjoong suddenly turns around, as if he's heard his thoughts. Smiling he motions for Seonghwa to get up. They move the couch to the middle of the room. 

"Okay, you can sit again." 

Seonghwa looks at him in confusion until it drops. 

"No no no, you're not painting me!"

"Of course I am" he simply states, already picking up brushes. So he sits. Feeling as natural and relaxed as a fridge. Hongjoong watches him, displeased. "Try telling me something!", he suggests. So Seonghwa starts telling him about his latest projects but is quickly interrupted. 

"No, don't talk about work. That makes you even stiffer. Try talking about…" he pauses, frown on his face as he tries to come up with something good, chewing the end of a brush while he thinks. Then a teasing smile creeps over his face, eyes full of mischief as he says "I know, tell me about your first love." 

Seonghwa blushes on cue. Stuttering he mumbles the truth, that he doesn't have one. Hongjoong looks at him in disbelief, mouth hanging agape. 

"You've never been in love? Like... _never_?!" Seonghwa shakes his head, refusing to meet Hongjoongs eyes. The other just sighs. 

"Seonghwa, I'm gonna make you a promise. As long as you're staying with me I'm gonna do my absolute best to get that corporate-robot out of you. Teach you to live again! You have my word. But until then I'm thinking we'll just have to go with the second best - wine!


	4. Chapter 4

Seonghwa has learnt three things the last couple of hours. 

_One_ , protesting to Hongjoong gets you absolutely nowhere. 

_Two_ , red wine is not his favourite drink. Cheap red wine even less so.

 _Three_ , Hongjoong is almost always right.

After a few sips his shoulders actually relax. One glass in and he is feeling...giddy. He's lying on the couch, glass in hand, looking at the chandelier. He hums to himself, smiling, rakes a hand through his hair, probably ruffling it up but he doesn't care. He turns his head to look at Hongjoong only to find him standing as if frozen, watching him with a look in his eyes Seonghwa can't decipher. He takes a deep breath, tells him not to move and quickly gets to work. He looks up every few seconds, eyes narrowed, his intense stares making Seonghwa's skin crawl. But not really in a bad way. Underneath the shyness he reluctantly admits that he likes it. He likes having Hongjoongs full attention. He likes how he looks at him, as if he was a piece of art. It makes him feel warmer, lighter… _I want you to touch me_ , he suddenly thinks, startling himself, making him choke on the sip he just took.

"You alright there?" Hongjoong laughs, oblivious to Seonghwa's thoughts. "You really are a lightweight huh? Maybe time to go slower, so I don't have to carry you. Again. I really thought you would throw up all over me the last time."

Shame has Seonghwa's body tensing, folding in, making him smaller, cheeks burning hot. Hongjoong looks up, notices his state, dismayed.

"No sweetie, no! I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I always speak without thinking first. I didn't mean it. Please, forget what I said. You looked so beautiful, all happy and relaxed." he pleads, with a sad pout.

Seonghwa just shakes his head. Hongjoong watches him, biting his lip, then he motions for him to come over, so he does. They both look at the canvas and something jolts through him. It is him, but still not. Or, maybe that really is him through Hongjoong's eyes. He's lying on the couch, face turned to meet the gaze of the viewer. Black bangs falling over his face, long limbs relaxed, stretched out, almost..elegant. And there's this look in his eyes, that pulls you in. 

"You see? _Beautiful_." Hongjoong whispers close to his ear, making all the little hairs stand. He takes a shaky breath, something surging in him. 

"Please let me finish. Don't let my stupid words ruin everything. Please Hwa!" 

The nickname sends shivers down his spine. So used to only ever being addressed as Mr. Park. He nods. He never seems to be able to deny Hongjoong of what he asks. So he sits back down, accepts the refill Hongjoong offers and smiles, eyes closed, as Hongjoong reaches a hand out to adjust a few strands of his hair. There is something happening in him, but he can't seem to care, just wanting to live in this very moment. 

He must have fallen asleep, cause the room is dark when he opens his eyes. Hongjoong is stroking his cheek, whispering his name. 

"Wake up, Seonghwa"

He groans a little, pouting, making Hongjoong snicker, pinching his cheek.

"Time to get up sleepy-head, I'm starving!" Seonghwa's stomach rumbles in response and they both laugh. 

They walk out into the crisp night air. The city is alight, the soft neonglow transforming the streets. People are moving slower, laughing. There's a sense of anticipation hanging in the air. Hongjoong takes him to a quaint little place he claims has the best rameyon the city can offer. Seonghwa would never have picked it for himself since he's always been a believer in that 'what you pay for is what you get' and this place is simply too cheap to be good. But since beggars can't be choosers he keeps his thoughts to himself, letting Hongjoong make the order.

The place really is small, just one room divided almost in half by the counter. Behind it is a small kitchenette, just a few hotplates and a jerrycan really. Both walls and counter are clad in bamboo, giving it an almost touristy vibe, but the feeling is warm, homely. When the bowl is placed in front of him he's hit with the aromas, feeling a instant need to dig into the mushrooms, perfectly cooked egg, leeks and home drawn noodles. He only needs to take one bite to know that, annoyingly, Hongjoong was right. Again. These are beyond a doubt the best noodles he's ever had. Broth warm and hearty, packed with flavours. It feels like a warm hug. Seonghwa has really missed warm hugs.

They eat in comfortable silence, thanking the chef excessively when they leave. There are a lot more people out on the streets now, looking for drinks, a nice meal or a good time. A group of men pass them and Seonghwa tenses. He almost jumps when something grabs at him, only to relax when he realises that Hongjoong, perceptive as always, has taken his hand, pressing it encouragingly. 

They make their way back home, Hongjoong lighting candles and retrieving the half empty bottle of wine from his bag. "A night cap" he explains "to celebrate".

"Celebrate what?"

"You! On your way to become a human once again" Hongjoong teases. Seonghwa only snorts in response. 

They slump down on the couch, sharing the space with legs tangled and Seonghwa admits that Hongjoong has a point. It's only been a few days, still for him the whole world has changed. Now he's doing things so naturally that he'd never even consider just a week ago. He sips his wine while Hongjoong searches his phone for the right music. The song he settles for is soft, alluring. Seonghwa closes his eyes. Somehow this tiny apartment of Hongjoongs has really started to feel like home to him. Maybe even more so than the meticulously cleaned apartment, on the other side of town, he rarely ever sees other than to sleep.

"Oh" Hongjoong suddenly says, phone to his ear. "Missed call from the police, they have your phone. Shall we pick it up tomorrow?" Seonghwa nods in response, stretching his body leisurely, his hand ending up on Hongjoongs leg. He leaves it there.

They spend the night talking about everything and nothing, sipping the wine that actually tastes better with every sip. Seonghwa tells Hongjoong about his parents, how they both succeed in their fields, giving him immensely high standards to live up to ever since he started school, always striving to excel, getting the highest grades, being at the top of the class. 

"Not really a great way to get friends. Got me a lot of enemies though" he adds with a small laughter. Hongjoong just looks at him, face unmoving. 

"How come you can't stay with them? Your parents?" he asks and quickly adds "Not that I don't want you here, I actually really enjoy your company, I'm just...asking" when he feels Seonghwa pull back. Relaxing back down again he thinks for a moment before he answers.

"First of all, they are not bad people." He gives Hongjoong a stern look and the other holds his hands up. Sighing he continues. "I think they just...had this plan. Being so focused on it that they were forgetting about everything around it. So. The day I went to uni they left."

"Left?"

"Yeah, new opportunities you know, so they are residing in America, both doctors at a university. The very best one in their field."

"So, like Harvard, MIT or the likes?"

"Yeah. They've invited me to visit but you know, with work and all…"

"When was the last time you saw them?"

"They came to my graduation"

"But Seonghwa, I'm not calling you old or anything but...that was a long time ago!"

"I guess" he answers with a shrug. 

"Don't you miss them?" 

"No, not really. We've never been that close"

"Who are you close with then?" he asks, worry clear in his voice. Seonghwa falls silent, and it speaks louder than words. They stay silent, Hongjoong seemingly lost in deep thoughts. He only snaps back when Seonghwa tries to hide a jawn.

"Come sleepy-head, time for bed" he smiles, ruffling his hair. 

They brush their teeth together, taking turns in the bathroom while the other changes. No one bothers to make the couch, as if it's a unspoken fact that Seonghwa's place is beside Hongjoong in his bed from now on.

Hongjoong drifts off to sleep within minutes, but Seonghwa lies awake, head full of thoughts and feelings he needs to process. He looks at Hongjoong, his features so soft in his sleep. His lips are slightly open and his bangs are caught against the pillow, leaving his forehead exposed. Before he can stop himself Seonghwa leans forward, placing a soft kiss to his forehead, chest filling with warmth as he sees Hongjoong smile in his sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Relief washes over him as he reaches his hands out, feeling the oh so familiar weight of his phone land in them. Like seeing an old friend, Seonghwa imagines. 

It's a different detective sitting in front of him. He seems edgy, irritated. 

"Yeah we found them, gave them a warning. I don't think they'll cause you any more trouble. We were able to retrieve your phone and keys, but your wallet was unfortunately not on the suspects, so..I guess you’ll need to contact your bank." he says in a tired voice. 

Seonghwa frowns, trying to keep up. 

"I'm sorry but I didn't really follow." He is met with a sigh. "Eh..you didn't...arrest them?"

"Mr Park, quite frankly we don't have _any_ proof of an actual crime taking place, other than hearsay."

"But..the other detective..."

"Yeah, Mr Song is no longer on the case."

"I..I just don't understand...you were staking my apartment out and...the other offenses? I have a witness.."

"Mr Park, let me stop you there." The detective's eyes are cold as they meet his. "To be honest you should really look into your own actions that night "

"...what do you mean?"

He snarls, looking almost hostile. There is a feeling of dread sipping through the thick haze of derealisation.

"A rich guy, standing alone in a underground tunnel, wearing a fancy suit, showing his expensive phone off. You were practically asking for it!"

"...no"

"And... I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings now, but I have met so many of your kind, and your..special..sexual habits. So regarding this aledged sexual assault...are you _really_ sure that is what happened?"

Everything turns white. There is a loud beep in his head, cancelling all other sounds out. He has no recollection of what happens next, he just finds himself standing out on the street fighting hard to swallow down all the panicked feelings rushing through him. It takes him a while to realise that the crying he hears doesn't come from him. He snaps out of his daze only to find Hongjoong in tears, standing beside him. He's kicking the wall over and over, screaming swearwords Seonghwa didn't even knew existed. As if by instinct he takes the few steps, enclosing the raging figure in his arms, pressing him to his chest. 

"No Seonghwa, _no_! Don't you dare comfort _me_ when it's you...when they..." he breaks, sobs taking over, shaking his small frame and Seonghwa pulls him even closer, stroking his hair. "Seonghwa...they can't do this! They can't!" he cries helplessly, and Seonghwa somehow forgets his own pain, trying with all his might to sooth. To comfort. Unable to stand the others hurt.

They walk to Seonghwa's apartment in silence, it's almost too far but they both seem to need the distraction. As the city changes around them, houses growing taller, less personal, Seonghwa realises he should have a feeling of familiarity. Of being on his homeground. But he doesn't. 

He doesn't bother to use the keys, simply pushing the code in, door beeping, and pushes it open. The apartment is turned upside down. No, it's...demolished. Graffiti covering the windows and walls. Light fixtures torn, wiring hanging like tangled nooses from the ceiling. The kitchen is covered in broken glass and shards of china. His belongings either broken beyond repair or gone. He looks at it, taking it all in, and tries to feel something. But all he can muster up is being tired. So infinitely tired. He just wants to close the door, never to come back. And since he's too tired to come up with another plan, that is what he does. They take the train home, picking up a charger on the way. Seonghwa takes a shower while the phone charges and then he makes call after call. His bank. The insurance company. The cleaners. Realtor. When he's done he finally has access to his accounts again, a new ID is ordered, cleaning scheduled and sale coming up. Relief washes over him, getting stronger with every finished call. 

Then he finally calls his work. It really doesn't surprise him that he's been 'let go' or that his circumstances aren't met with any understanding or sympathy. What does surprise him is how little he cares. He ends the call, lying back with his eyes closed, a deep sigh leaving him.

"So...Park Seonghwa. Homeless, jobless, suitless. This is surely a sight I never thought I'd see." Hongjoong tries at a joke. Seonghwa only smiles, asking if there's any wine and laughs at Hongjoongs shocked face. He offers to go to the store, ignoring Seonghwa's protests. 

"I'm guessing you've never ever asked for a glass of wine before, and god knows you have deserved it after this shit-show of a day. I'm buying you wine! And food! You just..think of what your next step will be. Okay?" he says while going through the pile of clothes left on the armchair by the door, putting a long cardigan and a beanie on, wrapping a ridiculously long knitted scarf around his neck several turns. The door closes behind him and the silence left is thick, but not unpleasant. Seonghwa feels light. Like in a dreamlike state. He feels. He feels like himself. And he starts to think he only ever has since Hongjoong took him in. He thinks of Hongjoong's mission to 'turn him human again' and laughs fondly.

He knows that he's probably in love with Hongjoong. He also knows that he won't confess or act on it. Hongjoong has done far too much for him already, he would never risk him giving even more of himself out of pity or his bad conscience.

He'll just keep his feelings to himself, like a secret treasure. Finding a new life for himself. Letting Hongjoong go back to his world without having Seonghwa on his heel like a shadow. 

He smiles, sadly, but with a feeling of doing the right thing for once.


	6. Chapter 6

Hongjoong returns much later, with several bags on his arms and a light dusting of snow which makes him look like a christmas ornament. 

Seonghwa can't help but laugh at the enthusiastic grin on his face as he reveals the content of each bag. First bag, champagne. Because apparently nothing else will do when "celebrating newfound humanity". Second bag, food! So many different side dishes and condiments that the table can't hold them all. The third one he doesn't unpack, instead he just hands it over to Seonghwa. 

"New life - starter pack" he simply says. If Seonghwa hadn't already fallen, this would be it. The bag holds almost everything he needs. Clothes, just a few items but carefully selected so that they can all be combined into several different outfits. Underwear, socks, razors, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, headphones, books, pen and paper, candy, gift-cards to cafées and shops and best of all - a soft, burgundy winter coat, black mittens, hat and scarf. And black winter boots. It must have cost a fortune! Seonghwa feels tears well up as he holds the coat up. The way he feels, holding these items, really makes him understand how rough it has been not to have anything. Not even the clothes on his back, since the suit he wore that day was torn, but most of all tainted with the memories. 

Hongjoong has been more than generous with lending him his clothes, but the height difference has been an issue. And walking around in clothes several sizes too small, with no other shoes than thin dress shoes, in the middle of winter has made him huddle up at home, not wanting to go outside out of embarrassment and...well...cold. 

But these clothes, in his actual size..he can't even explain to himself how much it means. To have his own clothes, his own supplies, not living at another person's mercy, however lovely that person may be, makes him want to cry. This bag really is what he said, the start of his new, independent life. He looks up at Hongjoong, clearing his throat, trying to steady his voice but is interrupted by a clearly flustered Hongjoong waving his arms dismissing. 

"I know what you're gonna say but you don't need to thank me, it's just...some stuff I thought you'd like. I don't want your money, so don't offer it. I actually sold some paintings so I'm good. I'd be deeply hurt though if you don't accept my gift, so don't even consider it. And most importantly, this doesn't mean that I want you to leave, it's the opposite really. I want you to have your own stuff so you'll feel more comfortable about staying. I know it's been really hard for you, relying on me...but I really, really mean it, having you here has been good for me. I like it. So please stay as long as you need." He makes a painfully uncomfortable face, shrugging the awkwardness away, making Seonghwa laugh. Yeah, he finally found something Hongjoong isn't talented at, talking about feelings. 

"Aaaanywaaays, with that cheesy, soggy, awkward declaration out of the way, why don't you go change into clothes that actually fit you and I'll get the food and drinks ready? Are you up for a movie marathon?"

Cuddled up on the couch, stomach full, in his new, soft, black pants and casually preppy sweater, with Hongjoong's legs tangled with his and a glass of champagne in his hand it's hard to imagine ever leaving. And when he catches Hongjoong looking at him with a warm smile on his cute face there is something inside of him that doesn't want to. That wants to believe there is the smallest chance life actually could be this good to him.


	7. Chapter 7

"Seonghwa, Seonghwa, Schhh, it's just another bad dream. It's just a dream."

Hongjoong's drowsy voice whispers to him. He's fighting for air, the panic and fear still tearing it's way through him. But Hongjoong's warm body next to his, his hand softly stroking his shoulder, his soft voice in his ear calms him. 

"Did you dream about that night?" he asks when Seonghwa can breathe again.

"Yes, but it wasn't me this time" he answers. 

"Who was it?"

Seonghwa doesn't answer, so he props himself up on his elbow, looking into his eyes.

"Hwa. Tell me. Was it me?" Seonghwa tries not to give it away but makes a pained face when the scene flashes before him again. 

"Oh Hwa, don't cry. I'm okay! I'm here!"

"But you could be! You could get hurt! Someday!"

"Yes, but so could anyone! And I could also _not_ be. You can't cry about something that might not even ever happen!" 

But he cries anyway, because the thought of Hongjoong ever being hurt is so painful he can hardly stand it. It tears him apart! Hongjoong looks at him, in silence. Then he leans forward, closing the gap between them. His lips brush against Seonghwa's, so brief he wouldn't been sure it really happened if it weren't for the current rushing through him, making the hairs stand, making his heart ache, but in a good way. He longs. He longs with every breath in his body. Closer. That is all he wants. All he needs. What he craves with all of his being. To be closer. 

Instead he takes a sharp breath, stills. Laying on his back, watching the ceiling, tens and at loss. 

Hongjoong rolls over, whispering good night. He mumbles a response and his heart is beating so fast. But he is too afraid. Too frightened to just...reach his hand out. Everything he yearns for is just there, in front of him. But he doesn't. And something cold settles in his chest, leaving him to toss and turn the night through with a feeling of unease eating at him. 

He must have fallen asleep eventually, cause when he wakes Hongjoong is gone, and the bed is cold. He huddles up under the comforter, nuzzling his face into Hongjoongs pillow. There's a note on the fridge _"at the studio, see you tonight."_ That unease makes itself known again. Restlessness is crawling under his skin so he gets ready and heads out, not knowing where to. 

He ends up walking around, watching buildings, people, the sights. He likes this part of town. It just feels...friendlier. Houses mitch-matching, all unique in their own way. Small cafés and shops, trees lining the streets and small parks hidden amongst the buildings. He stops at a window displaying photos of houses, it takes him a second to realise what he's looking at, but when he does he walks inside. 

It's late when Hongjoong walk through the door. He starts to take his shoes off but stops as he looks at the table. 

"When you wrote there was food I figured you meant left overs from take out, not...you cooked? For us?" There is a small smile on his face as he looks at the plates and cutlery, the neatly arranged food. Seonghwa smiles back, a bit nervous. 

"There's champagne to! Someone taught me that's the only drink worthy when you're celebrating." 

Hongjoong softly sits on the couch beside him, folding his legs under him. "So, what are we celebrating?" he asks with a loop-sided smile. 

"Well, I've got some news. The first is..I sold my apartment."

"Oh, that fast huh?"

"Yeah, apparently people are dying to get an apartment in that part of town" Seonghwa says with a small shrug. 

"And what else?"

"Well, that was the first thing, the second is that I also...bought an apartment." 

Hongjoong goes silent. His face falls. The silence seems to get thicker. Vibrating.

"Oh" he finally says. 

"Yes, so..I'll start moving my stuff tomorrow. Or..you know..my bag."

Hongjoong gives a sad laugh. Eyes diverted. Then he takes the champagne bottle, pours their glasses and holds his up in a cheer. "Congratulations then. You're really starting your new life!" They clink their glasses together. Hongjoong looks at him, a smirk slowly growing. "You know what this means huh?" he says, tilting his head. 

Seonghwa swallows hard before answering "What?"

Hongjoong laughs again. "It means that we simply _have_ to have a movie marathon tonight, since you're leaving. Who knows, it could be our last." Seonghwa's chest hurt at the thought. 

Hongjoong starts a movie and they get comfortable, eating, sipping their drinks, laughing. As the third movie ends they're lying hopelessly tangled, as usual. They're both a bit tipsy as they go to bed. Maybe that is why they both seem to just be drawn together, as if by some invisible force. They fall asleep with their arms and legs slung over each other. Hongjoong's face nestled into Seonghwa's chest, and Seonghwa's nuzzled in the others ashy hair.

Before he drifts off he sends a small prayer for the night to be long. 


	8. Chapter 8

They wake up at the same time, a bit embarrassed about their closeness. They have breakfast together in the cramped kitchen, for the first time. Hongjoong clears a end in the landscape of books, pens, sketchbooks, nail polish and half finished projects covering the table, where they jostle one another over mugs and bowls.

Hongjoong helps him pack his stuff, and apparently sneaks other stuff in as the bag is nowhere near big enough all of the sudden. With a overstuffed bag in each hand they set off, walking in silence. There's confusion in Hongjoong's eyes as they near and when Seonghwa stops in front of the building he bursts out laughing, pointing at the building across the street. 

"So, you bought an apartment across the street from my studio?" he laughs, teasingly. 

Seonghwa feels the blush on his cheeks, but smiles anyway, holding Hongjoong's eyes. "Yeah, I really like this part of town. Feels...homely with all the old buildings, small shops, narrow streets and parks...and you know, you'll be able to visit me easier. If you'd want to." The blushing intensifies and he has to avert his eyes.

Hongjoong takes a step forward, lifting Seonghwa's chin up. "Hwa, I would definitely want to visit. Why would you even doubt that?" Seonghwa doesn't know what to answer so he just smiles, trying hard not to think about kissing him or let his eyes linger at his lips. Of course he does both anyway. "So, are you gonna show me this apartment or did you just plan for us to stand outside?" Hongjoong teases and Seonghwa snaps back to reality, quickly walking up the stairs, holding the door open for him.

Seonghwa's apartment is on the top floor of three. Big stone steps lead up, the polished bannisters and other details clear signs of the house once being home to a wealthy family, European-influensed probably. He struggles to unlock the door, no code-locks in sight, and holds it open for Hongjoong who gasps as he walks inside. Slowly spinning around. 

"Okay, I can see why you bought the place" he admits, smiling. Seonghwa feels relief and happiness surge inside of him, as if he'd been waiting for Hongjoong's approval. The place really is something special. Right inside is a small hallway, leading into the main room. High ceilings decorated with an abundance of stucco, big milliond windows with deep nooks covering the opposite wall, parquet floors in a fishbone pattern. The main bedroom is snugger, but cozy, window overlooking the leafy courtyard. The kitchen is newly refurbished in a classic, timeless style. Across the hall is another bedroom with huge bay windows, light spilling in, flowing through the room. Both rooms have en suits in the same timeless style but different colorsetting. Tiled walls, clinker floors, built-in baths and brass fixtures.

Hongjoong's jaw hangs as he takes the room in. "Wow..just..wow! I guess you’ll use this as your master huh?" he says with a small laughter. Seonghwa fidgets with his sleeves.

"Actually I was thinking of the smaller room. It's cozy, and I like the view. I'll just keep this as...a guest room."

Hongjoong looks at him unbelieving. "Uhm...I'm definitely sleeping over in that case" he says half jokingly. 

"Good!" Seonghwa answers before he can stop himself, earning him a surprised but happy smile from Hongjoong. The air tenses. Then Hongjoong claps his hands together, breaking the tension. 

"Well, you know what we have to do now right?"

"What?" Seonghwa asks in confusion. 

"Go shopping of course!" he grins, making Seonghwa laugh. 

Hongjoong almost stumbles into a wall when he asks how much Seonghwa is ready to spend on the interior design. Selling a huge newly refurbished flat in the hottest part of town has it's perks. They head out, spending the day going in- and out of stores, looking at tables, curtains, rugs and lamps. Seonghwa realises that Hongjoong has excellent taste. As dusk falls they've spent an considerable amount of money and time but the next day will be full of deliveries, and with some hard work they'll have the place ready by nightfall. But for tonight he'll have to settle for sleeping on the floor. They're carrying a big, rolled up matress between them, a few bags hanging on their arms. As they enter Seonghwa busies himself with rolling the mattress out in his new bedroom, making it with new sheets and pillows. Hongjoong comes in with a lamp in his hands, putting it down beside the bed, plugging it in and hitting the switch. Warm light flood the room, they step back admiring their work. Yes, this already feels like home. He will be happy here. 

"It's late" Hongjoong says. "Can..can I stay?" Seonghwa can't hold himself back but smiles wide, putting his arms around the other, lifting him in the air, shouting "Yes!". Hongjoong laughs as he's spinned around. 

When they are settled under the covers, lights out, Seonghwa feels warmth flood him. He realises that he's unconsciously been dreading spending his first night alone, but here he is with Hongjoong curled up next to him.

It feels safe. It feels like home. 


	9. Chapter 9

They spend the next day running up and down the stairs, carrying boxes, bags and furniture from the delivery trucks, assembling, drilling, moving furniture around. They eat take out sitting on the floor, laughing between the bites before they get to work again. As dark sets Hongjoong has to go to his studio to finish some commission work, and Seonghwa decides to get his TV up so it's ready for their planned house warming-movie marathon. It's a lot harder than he thought, but after a couple of hours, some extensive cursing and a few hidden holes in the wall it's finally up. He turns it on and a random news channel light up the big, thin screen. He's just about to change the channel when something catches his eye. At first he just stares, unable to grasp what he's watching, then he fumbles for his phone without taking his eyes of the screen. "Hongjoong, you have to come! _Please_! Run!" he says, voice shaking. Then he hangs up and sinks down in his new armchair. It only takes Hongjoong minutes to come bursting through the door, panting, face alarmed. He sees Seonghwa and walks up to him, standing behind him watching the screen.

The story is looped, same footage and headlines rolling. A big scandal shaking the police department. A group of young men terrorising the streets while high ranked policemen silenced the whole thing, getting rid of anyone who tried to dig into it and refusing to take statements from the victims, since the leader of the notorious gang is the son of a official at the justice department. The number of victims unknown with crimes spanning from robbery and assault to kidnapping and rape. They watch it in silence, over and over. And then Seonghwa breaks down in tears. Hongjoong turns the TV off, kneeles down in front of him, taking him in his arms. "You see Hwa?" he whispers "it was not your fault. You have no blame in it. It was _not your fault!_ " He repeats it over and over, softly stroking Seonghwa's back. He places small kisses to his wet cheeks, saying everything will be alright. He'll get his justice.

Seonghwa pulls him up onto his lap, pressing his face in the crook of his neck. Hongjoong strokes his hair, letting his fingers run through it, stroking his neck with light fingers. He whispers comforting words in his ear, lips brushing against it and Seonghwa shudders. Their breathing gets heavier. Something shifting between them. Seonghwa looks up, face tear stained and eyes dark. Hongjoong just has time to swallow hard before their lips meet, hard, desperately, craving. They cling to each other, fighting to get closer and closer still, holding on to the other, eyes closed as their blood rush, breaths coming in pants, lips and hands moving in a frenzy. _Closer! More!_

Seonghwa wraps his arms around him, standing up, carrying him towards the bedroom, lips never leaving the other's. They stumble into walls, Seonghwa pressing him up against them, the heat and need roaring in him. He craves him! They make it to the bedroom and Hongjoong's back barley touch the matress before Seonghwa is pulling his clothes off, kissing and touching wherever he can reach, fingers digging into the others hips, arms, thighs drawing gasps and whines from his lips. Their want and need growing with every kiss until it's unbearable. 

It's Seonghwa's first time. It's frenzied, fumbled, hurried and rough.Teeth crashing, nails accidentally scratching. 

It's absolutely beautiful. 


	10. Chapter 10

It's early morning, still dark outside but with a deep blue blending into the black, lightening it up with every passing minute. 

Hongjoong's head is resting on Seonghwa's arm, who's hand is playing with his hair. Bodys heavy, stretched out, drowsy in the lazy afterglow. Everything is still, soft music playing low. A song about love and longing. Seonghwa listens with his eyes closed. There is a feeling growing in his chest. He can feel Hongjoong's skin against his, radiating warmth. He feels his soft breaths, his hair silky between his fingers. The feeling grows faster, filling his chest up until he can't bare it, so he takes a deep breath and says it. And he says it again. And again.

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

Hongjoong turns around, searching his face. His eyes softening at what he finds. He smiles, bends down to press a lingering kiss to his lips. "I never thought I'd hear you say that" he whispers. 

"Why?"

"I kissed you, and you got all tense, ignoring me" he pouts teasingly, but Seonghwa can hear the hurt lying underneath.

"Hongjoong, I think I fell for you before I even saw you. And I just keep falling deeper the more I learn about you."

Hongjoong huffs, looking away embarrassedly. Frustration grows in Seonghwa, he needs to make him see how he feel, but doesn't know how. His words come out all wrong. Empty. He searches his mind, but only finds one card to play. The hardest. But he needs to take the risk, needs Hongjoong to understand, needs to get his feelings out before his chest implodes. So he jumps.

"Hongjoong. Do you know why I bought this apartment?" he asks, forcing the other to meet his eyes. He pauses, hesitates, but continues. "I was just about to say that it's way too big, to walk out. But then she opened the door to that room, and I could see it!"

"See what?" he frowns, not following. 

Seonghwa's thumb is stroking his cheek, his eyes following the lines of his face, so soft, so fond, so vulnerable as he answers. 

"You. I could see you, painting in that bay window. With the light flowing over you. And I thought that it was perfect. Perfect for you. I bought this apartment for _you_ Hongjoong. I want you to live here with me. I _need_ you! You've saved me in so many ways and I don't know how to ever make it up to you. I love you. So much. You're the world to me." 

Hongjoong watches him in silence, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Do you really mean that? Cause I will _kill_ you if you don't!" he whispers, voice challenging and vulnerable at the same time. His face so open, uncertainty in his eyes. And Seonghwa kisses him, willing all of his feelings into the kiss. And he kisses him again, making a trail of kisses over his face, whispering "I love you" between every kiss until Hongjoong is laughing, trying to wriggle himself out of his grip. He breaks free, stradles Seonghwa's hips, pinning him down. 

"Okay" he says. "I'll believe you. But if you hurt me I will hunt you down and...make you eat my sneakers!"

They both burst into laughter, Seonghwa pulling the other down in his arms, kissing him again and again.

"Deal!" he says. "So...is that a yes?"

"Yes dimwit, that is a yes" Hongjoong sighs, flicking his forehead. He doesn't have the time to groan at the pain though as he dives down, kissing the sensitive skin of his throat, biting softly at his collar bone sending shivers down his spine. 

"I love you too" he whispers, so low he nearly misses it. And happiness surge through him. 

He doesn't know what he's done to deserve this. To live this dream, far to good to be true. But he is unfathomably thankful either way. 

He looks at him, his Hongjoong, his love and can't stop smiling. 

Hongjoong looks back at him, flicking his forehead again.

"If you're gonna walk around with that stupid grin all the time I might change my mind though" he complaines and Seonghwa throws himself on top of him, tickling where ever he can reach, laughter filling the room.

Outside the city is slowly coming to life, a new day dawning. Birds are singing in the trees, welcoming the sun that slowly rises, sending golden rays over tired faces hurrying of to work. The sky is painted warm hues of peach and pink and inside their room they have finally fallen asleep. Hongjoong with his arms wrapped around Seonghwa's sleeping figure, protectively. Their legs tangled, Seonghwa's head against Hongjoong's heart, it's slow and steady beat chasing bad dreams and memories away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This is the end.  
> I'm really gonna miss writing this fic.
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed it!  
> Please let me know if you did, it would make me really, really happy.
> 
> If you're wondering about the song they're listening to it's the Bees - I love you.
> 
> Thank you for reading and staying with this story this far! 
> 
> Love


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